Dr. Kerri Fullerton ND

Intuitive Eating. Health At Every Size (HAES) Doctor

intuitive eating

Do I Trick or Do I Treat?

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Halloween can be a tricky dilemma for families, especially now when sugar and carbs are vilified by diet and wellness culture. Some believe we’re teaching our children to binge eat and that Halloween is unhealthy. At the same time, others believe that it is a childhood rite of passage.

Can you create healthy eating patterns for your children and participate in Halloween? I’ve heard of a few different strategies.

• Let your kids go collecting and limit how much they eat each day.
• Not restrict. Just let them have at it.
• Let them experience collecting candy but not let them eat it. Allow them to trade it for toys or cash.
• Not let them go. Take them to a movie instead.

My experience with Halloween was troubling as a child. I loved it! Up until we had to hand over our candy, and it was doled out in rations. It was stressful picking the one or two pieces I was allowed each day.

The best way to add value to anything is to restrict it. This is true in all areas of life. If everyone and anyone can get something, it’s not valued. If it’s rare, it’s revered, and its value increases. We want what we can’t have. And we know now from research that food restriction leads to disordered eating and secret eating. That is precisely what happened to me.

We are teaching our kids that candy is so special and rare. For some kids like me, this turns into a habit of secret eating and food hoarding. These children feel ashamed because they know they “shouldn’t,” but they can’t help themselves. They will ‘steal’ food and scarf it back as fast as they can before anyone catches them. This often leads to intrusive and obsessive food thoughts.

Perhaps it would be easier if you did not allow your kids to go trick-or-treating. Could that be a solution? Then there would be no candy to worry about. Unfortunately, being left out is hard on a kid’s self-esteem. Halloween is discussed on TV shows, at school, and with friends. It’s a big conversation – What will you go out dressed up as? What candy did you get? So as a parent, this wasn’t a solution for our household.

We’ve allowed my son to go out and get his loot. Of course, we go through it to ensure it’s safe to eat. Then when he is going to eat his candy, he eats with attention paid to the candy itself. At first, he wasn’t allowed to eat the candy mindlessly while watching TV or playing video games. He could eat at the table or sit on the floor with his candy spread out. Now, we don’t enforce the mindful bit as much. He’s learned to eat until he’s done.

What’s happened in my house using this approach is that candy is never gone. Every year there is always leftover candy getting tossed out the following September. Only the candy that is tasty and satisfying gets eaten. Over the years, there has only been one big tummy ache from overeating candy. That stomach-ache wasn’t enjoyable, so he hasn’t done it again.

If this is too scary, consider putting some candy out at a few different snacks and mealtimes throughout the weeks. Put it out with the rest of the foods that you’re serving. Let them decide what order they will eat their food in. If they know it’s regularly coming and can eat it without judgement, it’s much easier for them to listen to their bodies.

Remember, they’re going to be exposed to sugar in life. I see our job as parents to help them feel confident and competent in managing whatever food is in front of them. Trust is built through experience, so I believe that they need to experience a lot of different foods in different ways to see what feels good for them.

Intuitive Eating and Food Sensitivities

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Cheese is delicious. And my body isn’t such a big fan. My mouth and brain are all in. My guts…not so much.

Making peace with food can be tricky and more nuanced when there are food sensitivities. How can I have unconditional permission to eat if I know that some foods will cause unpleasant symptoms?

I have to remember that I am allowed to eat anything that I want, including cheese. I’m a grown woman with full autonomy over my food choices. So if I want to eat cheese, I can. And if I choose to eat cheese I will also experience some uncomfortable gut stuff.

How does that saying go? You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of that choice.

So I ask myself, which experience would I prefer? I can enjoy the experience of the cheese and suffer the experience the gut stuff. Or I can experience the sense of loss by not eating the cheese and have no gut stuff.

As long as I don’t judge one choice as right and one as wrong, I just get to choose. Sometimes the cheese is the right choice. Pizza for instance can sometimes be an experience worthy of some gut stuff. Often it’s not.

Here’s another example of choose the experience.

I’m prone to under-eating during the day. I get into whatever I’m working on and don’t notice my hunger cues until I’m REALLY hungry. A really hungry body makes difference choices than a comfortably hungry body does. From what it craves to how much food is needed to satisfy. I prefer the comfortably hungry choices to the over hungry choices. So, I set reminders to check in with my hunger levels throughout the day. If I’m hungry but find myself wanting to “just do one more thing,” I ask myself which experience I would prefer. Again, without judgement.

And if I choose to work instead of eat, and I find myself into old food patterns later in the day, I remind myself with compassion that that was the experience that I chose for the day.

We get to make these choices so many times during the day. As long as judgement is left out, it can be an empowering experience.

If you’re looking for help in designing a strategy to allow you food freedom, book a call to see if we’re a good fit.

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“Don’t worry! It’s not a restrictive diet.”

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It seems that everyone understand that restrictive diets don’t work. So they tell me that it’s not a restrictive diet they’re just not eating xyz (insert long list of foods or ingredients that they’re not eating) 😔

They call it a “lifestyle”.

One of the (many) things that makes intuitive eating different from diets is the nuance, the exploration and the permission.

For example, I LOVE the taste and texture of cheese. Same for cream in my coffee or Alfredo sauce over pasta. AND dairy doesn’t sit so well in my guts 😕

When I lived in diet and wellness culture, I declared myself dairy-free! I sang the praises of dairy-free options and espoused the many health benefits of being dairy-free. At times I even went as far as demonizing dairy and blamed it for all kinds of health conditions. Btw, I’ve also done this with sugar, grains, fats, meats and soy at various times🤦‍♀️ I’m so sorry.

I felt guilty every time that I consumed dairy. I would berate myself for putting my body through that. And when I did eat dairy, I would eat ALL of the dairy. In for a penny in for a pound right?

Let me tell you about how it is now.

I’m MOSTLY dairy-free. By adding that one word it gives me permission to include dairy into my diet. The other night for instance, I had some lasagna. Not because it’s my favourite but because it was easy and accessible and that mattered at the time. The potential bloat was worth it for the ease of that meal. And since I had full permission there was so need to follow it up with a bowl of ice cream and block of cheese.

I acknowledge that dairy isn’t the devil. While it may CONTRIBUTE to SOME people’s health challenges it is not the cause nor the cure. And even if it does contribute to someone symptoms, they are not a lesser person for choosing to eat it anyway.

Absolute restriction, with the exception of anaphylaxis, is not necessary or healthy.

Food and health are not moral obligations. As such, guilt has NO place. If guilt starts to rise within me, I know that I need to take a closer look because it’s a sure fire way to know that it’s diet culture looming in my unconscious.

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But I should know how to do this I shouldn’t need to spend money on a coach

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I was speaking to a friend of mine who works with women in the early postpartum years and she was commenting on how easy it is for women to spend money on programs that will directly help their children but not on how to navigate being a parent.

And, I remember, a few years ago a woman saying to me that she “… shouldn’t have to pay you to know how to eat, it’s just food.”

There’s certain things in life that we feel we’re just supposed to know how to do. Things such as having babies, breast-feeding, being a wife, being a sister, being a daughter, eating, sleeping, setting boundaries, etc.

It’s interesting though because the world is constantly pulling us away from our intuition; telling us what we should be doing, how we should be feeling, what we should wearing, what path we should be taking, and what is best for our family. Then we’re confused as to why we need help coming back to our own voice and to our own selves.

Literally, since childhood, most of the adults in our lives have told us what would be best for us. It’s a rare occasion when I meet someone who grew up in a home where parents asked them: what they thought they needed, how hungry they were, what kind of food were they hungry for, when they felt they needed rest or movement/play, how are they feeling, would they like to sit in that feeling or would they like to process it and come out. These are not questions that most people were ever asked growing up, so it seems reasonable to me that, as adults, once we become acutely aware that we have distanced ourselves from our inner voice, from our intuition and from our spiritual path, that we need help learning how to come back to it. The next challenge is then finding someone who isn’t going to tell you what to do, but is someone who is going to teach you how to listen and how to heed what it is that your body wants.

We learned that we’re off our intuitive path when things feel overwhelmingly difficult. I’m not talking your usual discomfort, but when we feel burdened by every day life. It can look like becoming hyper focused on certain things like counting, or tracking our bodies. Or maybe we find ourselves using comfort tools as full on distractions or numbing agents. This could be wine, it could be exercise, it could be food, it could be YouTube, it could be video games, it could be gossip – the list is endless.

All I’m trying to say is that just because you think you should know how to hear your intuition, it doesn’t mean that you do and that it’s OK to ask for help and learn how to step back into your self. It’s OK to not know. It’s OK to ask for help – even when it’s something as simple as eating.

I’m here

Breakfast can be a very confusing meal.

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We understand the importance of protein for keeping our blood sugars steady and brains going for the day. But and we’ve been told that eggs have too much cholesterol and meat has too much fat – especially breakfast meats as they tend to be processed meats. We hear we shouldn’t eat those because they might cause cancer. So we turn to vegan sources only to be told that soy is genetically modified and not good for us…

Bread. Poor bread. It’s certainly not safe or appropriate because, you know, it’s bread so…

What on earth are we supposed to eat for breakfast!

Lots of people have turned to smoothies. Then again you have to decide on the protein source (whey is dairy, soy is soy, pea – is it a carb or a protein?), how much fruit is acceptable to go in it, and are you allowed to use milk or yoghurt or is that no good either? What about nut milks? I’ve heard some rumours stirring around about those…

Eating has become complicated and confusing and downright scary at times.

It used to just be that the’diet’ world told us to eat nasty food and avoid tasty food. We would ‘suffer in the name of thinness’. That’s not cool anymore though. So we have the wellness industry on board preaching health instead of thinness but the end result is the same: confusion, fear and stress.

Since we know that stress contributes greatly to all kinds of health issues (including but not limited to: cardiovascular disease, diabetes, mental health, gut health, and inflammation) AND we’re told to reduce/manage our stress at every turn….why is nobody talking about how our food rules are contributing to ill health?

If trying to feed yourself is causing stress, fear or anxiety then it’s not contributing to your overall health.

Sometimes we have to STOP thinking about what we’re eating in order to positively impact our health.

Let’s Plan Breakfast

Tips for getting through change

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Even though we knew lockdown was coming, it’s still not easy. Change is hard, even when it’s expected, because it disrupts our routines. Things get uncomfortable. We have to think about things that were automatic only yesterday and our focus gets scattered. This is normal and expected.

a sprout grows out of a crack to represent change
A young plant growing out of concrete. Concept of break through

Now that we’re into week two of at home learning, we can revisit our routines, schedules and expectations, in order to make adjustments. Remember the 3 D’s: Delegate, Delay and Delete.

Some of the routines worthy of our attention include: sleep, meals, and socialization.

Sleep

When our schedules get out of whack, sleep is often neglected. This is unfortunate at sleep has such a tremendous effect on our mental well-being, our hormonal response, and our intellect, specifically our focus and memory.

 It’s also important to recognize that we may need more sleep during times of high stress so now is hardly the time to be skimping.

Do your best to keep a consistent bedtime. Set an alarm to GO to bed instead of (or as well as) an alarm to get up.

Meals

Mealtimes contribute to our circadian rhythm. They help our bodies find the flow to the day (especially helpful when it’s cloudy all day and dark so early).

Stress can interfere with our ability to hear our intuitive body signals of hunger. So while we’re juggling all of the things we may not notice that we’re hungry. Top that off with caffeine, another interference for body cues, and we may find ourselves tired, unfocused and grumpy instead of ‘hungry’. In that state we’re far more likely to make food choices that don’t feel aligned with our bodies.

Feeding our bodies at  regular times can help curb that vulnerability later in the day. It can help us use pleasure foods for comfort instead of trying to make a meal out them.

You may decide to set alarms so that you don’t forget to remember. And keep it simple. This is more about eating regularly than what you’re eating. Remember that any food is better than no food.  

One final thought on food: it’s okay that food is a comfort right now. Lean into that so that you can do it with intention and compassion.

Socialize

Humans are social creatures. We NEED to connect with others. Now more than ever we need to be creative and intentional with how we socialize. Plan get togethers with friends by taking an online fitness classes; talk on the phone while you walk; plan watch parties (where you watch a show together-but-apart online or even on the phone); have lunch over Zoom.

I know that it’s not the same. It will be different. It’s like when I eat dairy free cheese; it’s not the same and I don’t expect it to be.

A couple of other things to make sure go into your schedule:

Laugh

This can be with the socialization piece but it doesn’t have to be. Find some funny YouTube channels (lots of comedians have these) or a find a series on Netflix or Prime that makes you laugh.

**Pease share your favourites in the comments so that I can check them out!

Mental health check

It’s okay to need help to get through this. If medication isn’t your jam then rest assured that there are some great herbs and amino acids that can help with stress, anxiety and melancholy. Things like St. John’s Wort, gaba, theanine, and ashwagandha to name a few. Please check with a professional to see what’s right for you. Natural does not mean safe. This is especially true if you have medical conditions or take medication, even birth control.

A conversation with a professional or support group can go a long way. It’s important to know that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling.

You could also check out some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) programs online. Many of these programs are covered by OHIP.

Everything that I’ve mentioned here isn’t a luxury. These are basic human needs. Sure your circumstances may require a modified version of implementation, that’s okay. Nuances are part of life. If I can help you tease that out, I’m happy to help.

I know that you’re tired. Be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up will not lead to lasting change. After all, you can’t hate yourself healthy.

Until next time,

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