Dr. Kerri Fullerton ND

Intuitive Eating. Health At Every Size (HAES) Doctor

healthy lifestyle

My size doesn’t limit my participation

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I love being on the water. I love being near water. It just soothes me in a way that nothing else can.

But being in the water typically means wearing a bathing suit. And for most of my life that was hard. Having other people see my body, my fear of their judgement about my body – it was distracting from the activity that I was participating in.

Let me call out my privilege right now. I’ve never been in a really big body. The body that I have now is the biggest one I’ve had. I didn’t have to worry about finding a kayak that would support my weight or accommodate my size. That is a privilege.

But I didn’t understand the concept of privilege back then, and honestly, I don’t think that knowing it would’ve changed how hard it was to be seen. Because my body image challenges have never been about my body.

Let me say that again: my body image issues weren’t about my body.

My lack of body confidence came from growing up around women that were always at war with their own bodies. Always on a diet or about to start a diet after falling off the wagon. They spoke harshly about their own bodies and those of others.

My fear of judgement was part of undiagnosed anxiety.

My body dissatisfaction was from girls calling other girls (that were my size or smaller) fat. And hearing things like “if I ever get like that just shoot me”.

I believed with all of my being that I was too big and that if I could just have the body that I wanted then….then I’d be happy and confident.

Being able to enjoy being on the water without all of that chatter is one of the best results of my #foodfreedom #bodyacceptance journey.

🏝 traveling to Hawaii and actually being there (vs in my head)
🌺 paddle boarding with my friends in San Diego without comparing myself
☀️ saying yes to an impromptu kayak adventure with friends

I really didn’t realize how much life I was missing because of my focus on how I looked. By either opting out because of a bad-body-image-day or missing out while I was there because of the chatter in my head.

My size doesn’t limit my participation in life unless I let it. This is where understanding my privilege has helped so much because that statement isn’t actually true for a lot of people. A lot of people can’t participate because our world isn’t set up for large and very large bodies.

While I do my part to create a world of inclusion, I will no longer miss out on the opportunities life has on offer.

What would you do if you weren’t thinking about how you looked? Or worried about what other people thought about how you looked?

Let’s find out!

We Make Time for What’s Important

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Exactly!!

How many times was I told from diet culture guru’s (fitness trainers, ND’s, doctors, business coaches) that if I didn’t make time for my health then my ill-health would force me to take the time.

What none of them were referring to was my actual health. No, they were referring to my weight suppression through what I ate and how I moved.

On my journey to making peace with my body and my food, I learned that my health needed so much more than food and exercise and a ‘healthy weight’.

Thankfully, I’ve always had environmental safety. I live in Canada and I have always lived in safe neighbourhoods.

Finances were more precarious. While I’ve always lived well above the poverty line and had access to higher education, I have had times when I needed to choose between buying food or paying my bills. Because of my access and privilege, I’ve not been there for long. That kind of stress is debilitating. One cannot exercise or eat their way out of the impact of that stress.

My mental and emotional health HAD to take the front seat for years. I had traumas to unearth and process. I had to learn how to identify feelings and emotions and then I had to learn how to be with those feelings and emotions. While exercise and food choices can affect this part of things, they cannot fix this part of things.

But working on my financial health and mental wellbeing weren’t recognized as working on my health. The results of this kind of work didn’t show up on my body in a way that anyone celebrated.

There’s more to mental health than just being happy. There’s more to physical health that just body weight and shape. People who jog everyday can still have high blood pressure and cholesterol, while people who are overweight can be ‘normal’ for both. Don’t let someone tell you you’re not healthy because you are overweight. You can be health. You will be healthy.

Let’s Talk

Why am I so Freaking Tired?!?

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I find that my patients are especially hard on themselves. They say to me “I know that if I’d just eat better and exercise that I’d feel better” as though their lack of energy is all their fault.

Know what I see?

When people are feeling better they tend to eat more nutritiously and want to move their bodies more regularly.

Before you make it all about diet and exercise, as yourself these questions:

  1. Are you eating enough? I cannot tell you how many of my patients are undernourished throughout the day. This leads to night time eating and then they restrict in the morning and start the cycle all over again. Our bodies need fuel. Most people need to eat every 3-5 hours to feel alert and energetic.
  2. Are you getting enough sleep? Not “are you getting enough to GET BY”, but enough that you wake feeling refreshed. Most people need AT LEAST 7 hours and others need up to 9 hours. If your body needs 9 hours and you’re only sleeping for 7 hours, you’re not going to be feeling your best.
  3. Have you checked on your iron levels lately? How about your insulin levels? There are many chemical contributors to your energy and alertness.

When you’re eating and sleeping enough that workout doesn’t seem so daunting. Neither does cooking dinner 😉

All I’m saying is that we tend to put the cart before the horse where diet and exercise are concerned. Your fatigue is your body’s way of telling you that something is amiss. It doesn’t matter what the latest influencer says ‘should’ be good for you. Your body will tell you what is ACTUALLY good for you.

I’m the kind of practitioner who will help you learn your body’s language, not try to tell you what’s right. My job is to be the interpreter, not the dictator.

Translate Your Body

Permission Slip

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Some times I just can’t.

I just can’t do social media; I just can’t do the dishes or clean the house; I just can’t show up for that Zoom coffee we planned. That was hard for me to wrap my mind around let alone give myself permission for.

The pressures of ‘being enough’ are hard to live up to anytime. But when my tank is empty, it’s glaringly obvious that I cannot keep up. And I’ve finally acknowledged that I never should’ve been trying to in the first place. Not being able to keep up caused me a lot of heartache.

I would judge myself harshly for not keeping the house clean enough; for not spending enough quality time with my family; for not stimulating my child’s learning enough; for not feeding myself or my family ‘healthily’ enough; for not working out enough; for not sleeping enough; for not working enough; for not posting enough on my business page or in my group; for not having enough followers on Instagram…Enough!

After I had my baby I experienced severe post-partum anxiety. I’m embarrassed to admit that I didn’t even know it.
The fact that I couldn’t sleep, was binge eating daily, and I was angry at my husband all the time didn’t register as a ‘real’ problem to me. After all, didn’t all moms struggle?

Part of my journey back to mental health and getting out from under my binges was acknowledging and accepting that some days I just could NOT.

I had to get super clear about what REALLY mattered, to ME. I had to stop living into someone else’s definition of ‘winning at life’.

I know now that if I have enough energy to play catch OR do the dishes, that I’ll choose playing catch every time. The difference now is that I don’t experience guilt about it.

And you know what? Somehow we always have clean dishes to eat off of and clean clothes to wear.

As I healed I found my own version of ‘clean enough’ for my house and ‘done enough’ for my business. I’ve had to decide what MY definition of a win is.

So, until you can give yourself permission to ‘Just Not’, please borrow mine.

You are allowed to ‘Just Not’ today.

Tomorrow you can choose again. And again, and again, and again.

Questions? Let’s Chat.

What Working on Your Health Can Look Like Without a Diet to Lose Weight

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Spring is here. That means that weight loss season is here again.

They know that dieting isn’t trendy anymore so they won’t be dieting or weight loss ads. No, they’ll be called health challenges or fitness challenges, maybe a Post Pandemic Reboot.

A diet by any other name is still a diet. What makes something a diet? Intentional weight loss. Restriction (even if that’s called moderation or sensible portions or just eating clean). It is intentional weight loss that has the dismal stats.

And I get it. You want to DO SOMETHING towards improving your health (that’s if health is something you value. It may not be and that doesn’t de-value your worth in any way). Lucky for you I have compiled a list of ways that you can work on your health without falling victim to yet another gain-lose-gain weight cycle.

10 ways to work in your health without intentional weight loss:

  1. Sleep: improve glucose regulation and mood regulation
  2. Mindfulness: improve mental health and reduce cortisol levels
  3. Movement: reduce your cardiovascular risk
  4. Debt counselling: reduce stress and improve relationships
  5. Counseling: develop emotional intelligence
  6. Self-compassion: increase motivation, self-worth and resilience
  7. Join a group of like minded people: develop a sense of belonging
  8. Social Media cleanse/Unfollow challenge: reduce your intake of not-enoughness
  9. Values work: spiritual health
  10. Laugh: improve sleep, improved stress response

Bottom line: If you’re feeling ‘meh’ there are so many things that you can be DOING to support your health that don’t involve restricting foods that you enjoy or trying to shrink your body.

Learn more about Living Life As A Rebel here. It’s how you can hold onto your anti-diet values AND work towards some specific health goals.

Join the Rebellion

Spring Detox Marketing: Don’t Get Duped!

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A patient sent me the website to a cleanse that was recommended to her. The longer I was on the site the more frustrated I got.

Like most cleanses or detoxes, there’s a specially formulated concoction that you drink in lieu of eating food. This is the only thing to be consumed for a few days to a week (although some ‘allow’ you a ‘sensible’ meal once a day in addition to these pouches).

The claims are remarkable. Promises of weight loss (no shit, you’re starving yourself), promises of healthy (the quick changes in your labs are not permanent – they’re temporary just like the cleanse and accompanying weight loss).

What really got my goat this time was when they said “Kick start healthy eating habits, gain control over portion sizes and improve energy”.

Let’s review the cycle of restriction:

  1. Starving your body will make you HYPERfocus on food. This is natural – it’s like if you weren’t able to breathe properly, it becomes difficult to focus on anything else. Or if you’re deprived of enough water your thirst will overcome you.
  2. Under-eating sets you up for OVER-eating. Just like when you can finally breath again you will take DEEP breaths and breathe more heavily until your body believes that you have free access to air; when you eat again, you will be DRIVEN to eat HUGE amounts until your body feels safe that food is longer restricted.
  3. That energy that they’re promising? It comes from your body having to produce cortisol to keep you going (cause you know, there’s no FOOD to do that). Our stress response will make us more alert because it’s getting us ready to escape danger. This is TEMPORARY access to the emergency fund. The trouble is, most of us are chronically OVER-stressed and need help reducing chronically high circulating cortisol. So yes, you may have some extra nervous energy but that’s not the same as being able to focus and be engaged positively in your life.

Look, I get the desire to shake off the winter blues and get back into something. In fact, I encourage it. But can we please find ways to re-engage with life and health promoting behaviours WITHOUT causing harm in the process?

The next Living Life As A Rebel group starts at the end of April. If you’re itching to ‘do’ something without getting caught in another diet cycle, then this may be just what you’re looking for. Register before April 12th to get Early Adopter bonuses!

Join the Rebellion