Dr. Kerri Fullerton ND

Intuitive Eating. Health At Every Size Doctor

health at every size

My size doesn’t limit my participation

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I love being on the water. I love being near water. It just soothes me in a way that nothing else can.

But being in the water typically means wearing a bathing suit. And for most of my life that was hard. Having other people see my body, my fear of their judgement about my body – it was distracting from the activity that I was participating in.

Let me call out my privilege right now. I’ve never been in a really big body. The body that I have now is the biggest one I’ve had. I didn’t have to worry about finding a kayak that would support my weight or accommodate my size. That is a privilege.

But I didn’t understand the concept of privilege back then, and honestly, I don’t think that knowing it would’ve changed how hard it was to be seen. Because my body image challenges have never been about my body.

Let me say that again: my body image issues weren’t about my body.

My lack of body confidence came from growing up around women that were always at war with their own bodies. Always on a diet or about to start a diet after falling off the wagon. They spoke harshly about their own bodies and those of others.

My fear of judgement was part of undiagnosed anxiety.

My body dissatisfaction was from girls calling other girls (that were my size or smaller) fat. And hearing things like “if I ever get like that just shoot me”.

I believed with all of my being that I was too big and that if I could just have the body that I wanted then….then I’d be happy and confident.

Being able to enjoy being on the water without all of that chatter is one of the best results of my #foodfreedom #bodyacceptance journey.

🏝 traveling to Hawaii and actually being there (vs in my head)
🌺 paddle boarding with my friends in San Diego without comparing myself
☀️ saying yes to an impromptu kayak adventure with friends

I really didn’t realize how much life I was missing because of my focus on how I looked. By either opting out because of a bad-body-image-day or missing out while I was there because of the chatter in my head.

My size doesn’t limit my participation in life unless I let it. This is where understanding my privilege has helped so much because that statement isn’t actually true for a lot of people. A lot of people can’t participate because our world isn’t set up for large and very large bodies.

While I do my part to create a world of inclusion, I will no longer miss out on the opportunities life has on offer.

What would you do if you weren’t thinking about how you looked? Or worried about what other people thought about how you looked?

Let’s find out!

But I should know how to do this I shouldn’t need to spend money on a coach

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I was speaking to a friend of mine who works with women in the early postpartum years and she was commenting on how easy it is for women to spend money on programs that will directly help their children but not on how to navigate being a parent.

And, I remember, a few years ago a woman saying to me that she “… shouldn’t have to pay you to know how to eat, it’s just food.”

There’s certain things in life that we feel we’re just supposed to know how to do. Things such as having babies, breast-feeding, being a wife, being a sister, being a daughter, eating, sleeping, setting boundaries, etc.

It’s interesting though because the world is constantly pulling us away from our intuition; telling us what we should be doing, how we should be feeling, what we should wearing, what path we should be taking, and what is best for our family. Then we’re confused as to why we need help coming back to our own voice and to our own selves.

Literally, since childhood, most of the adults in our lives have told us what would be best for us. It’s a rare occasion when I meet someone who grew up in a home where parents asked them: what they thought they needed, how hungry they were, what kind of food were they hungry for, when they felt they needed rest or movement/play, how are they feeling, would they like to sit in that feeling or would they like to process it and come out. These are not questions that most people were ever asked growing up, so it seems reasonable to me that, as adults, once we become acutely aware that we have distanced ourselves from our inner voice, from our intuition and from our spiritual path, that we need help learning how to come back to it. The next challenge is then finding someone who isn’t going to tell you what to do, but is someone who is going to teach you how to listen and how to heed what it is that your body wants.

We learned that we’re off our intuitive path when things feel overwhelmingly difficult. I’m not talking your usual discomfort, but when we feel burdened by every day life. It can look like becoming hyper focused on certain things like counting, or tracking our bodies. Or maybe we find ourselves using comfort tools as full on distractions or numbing agents. This could be wine, it could be exercise, it could be food, it could be YouTube, it could be video games, it could be gossip – the list is endless.

All I’m trying to say is that just because you think you should know how to hear your intuition, it doesn’t mean that you do and that it’s OK to ask for help and learn how to step back into your self. It’s OK to not know. It’s OK to ask for help – even when it’s something as simple as eating.

I’m here

Permission Slip

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Some times I just can’t.

I just can’t do social media; I just can’t do the dishes or clean the house; I just can’t show up for that Zoom coffee we planned. That was hard for me to wrap my mind around let alone give myself permission for.

The pressures of ‘being enough’ are hard to live up to anytime. But when my tank is empty, it’s glaringly obvious that I cannot keep up. And I’ve finally acknowledged that I never should’ve been trying to in the first place. Not being able to keep up caused me a lot of heartache.

I would judge myself harshly for not keeping the house clean enough; for not spending enough quality time with my family; for not stimulating my child’s learning enough; for not feeding myself or my family ‘healthily’ enough; for not working out enough; for not sleeping enough; for not working enough; for not posting enough on my business page or in my group; for not having enough followers on Instagram…Enough!

After I had my baby I experienced severe post-partum anxiety. I’m embarrassed to admit that I didn’t even know it.
The fact that I couldn’t sleep, was binge eating daily, and I was angry at my husband all the time didn’t register as a ‘real’ problem to me. After all, didn’t all moms struggle?

Part of my journey back to mental health and getting out from under my binges was acknowledging and accepting that some days I just could NOT.

I had to get super clear about what REALLY mattered, to ME. I had to stop living into someone else’s definition of ‘winning at life’.

I know now that if I have enough energy to play catch OR do the dishes, that I’ll choose playing catch every time. The difference now is that I don’t experience guilt about it.

And you know what? Somehow we always have clean dishes to eat off of and clean clothes to wear.

As I healed I found my own version of ‘clean enough’ for my house and ‘done enough’ for my business. I’ve had to decide what MY definition of a win is.

So, until you can give yourself permission to ‘Just Not’, please borrow mine.

You are allowed to ‘Just Not’ today.

Tomorrow you can choose again. And again, and again, and again.

Questions? Let’s Chat.

What Working on Your Health Can Look Like Without a Diet to Lose Weight

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Spring is here. That means that weight loss season is here again.

They know that dieting isn’t trendy anymore so they won’t be dieting or weight loss ads. No, they’ll be called health challenges or fitness challenges, maybe a Post Pandemic Reboot.

A diet by any other name is still a diet. What makes something a diet? Intentional weight loss. Restriction (even if that’s called moderation or sensible portions or just eating clean). It is intentional weight loss that has the dismal stats.

And I get it. You want to DO SOMETHING towards improving your health (that’s if health is something you value. It may not be and that doesn’t de-value your worth in any way). Lucky for you I have compiled a list of ways that you can work on your health without falling victim to yet another gain-lose-gain weight cycle.

10 ways to work in your health without intentional weight loss:

  1. Sleep: improve glucose regulation and mood regulation
  2. Mindfulness: improve mental health and reduce cortisol levels
  3. Movement: reduce your cardiovascular risk
  4. Debt counselling: reduce stress and improve relationships
  5. Counseling: develop emotional intelligence
  6. Self-compassion: increase motivation, self-worth and resilience
  7. Join a group of like minded people: develop a sense of belonging
  8. Social Media cleanse/Unfollow challenge: reduce your intake of not-enoughness
  9. Values work: spiritual health
  10. Laugh: improve sleep, improved stress response

Bottom line: If you’re feeling ‘meh’ there are so many things that you can be DOING to support your health that don’t involve restricting foods that you enjoy or trying to shrink your body.

Learn more about Living Life As A Rebel here. It’s how you can hold onto your anti-diet values AND work towards some specific health goals.

Join the Rebellion

Spring Detox Marketing: Don’t Get Duped!

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A patient sent me the website to a cleanse that was recommended to her. The longer I was on the site the more frustrated I got.

Like most cleanses or detoxes, there’s a specially formulated concoction that you drink in lieu of eating food. This is the only thing to be consumed for a few days to a week (although some ‘allow’ you a ‘sensible’ meal once a day in addition to these pouches).

The claims are remarkable. Promises of weight loss (no shit, you’re starving yourself), promises of healthy (the quick changes in your labs are not permanent – they’re temporary just like the cleanse and accompanying weight loss).

What really got my goat this time was when they said “Kick start healthy eating habits, gain control over portion sizes and improve energy”.

Let’s review the cycle of restriction:

  1. Starving your body will make you HYPERfocus on food. This is natural – it’s like if you weren’t able to breathe properly, it becomes difficult to focus on anything else. Or if you’re deprived of enough water your thirst will overcome you.
  2. Under-eating sets you up for OVER-eating. Just like when you can finally breath again you will take DEEP breaths and breathe more heavily until your body believes that you have free access to air; when you eat again, you will be DRIVEN to eat HUGE amounts until your body feels safe that food is longer restricted.
  3. That energy that they’re promising? It comes from your body having to produce cortisol to keep you going (cause you know, there’s no FOOD to do that). Our stress response will make us more alert because it’s getting us ready to escape danger. This is TEMPORARY access to the emergency fund. The trouble is, most of us are chronically OVER-stressed and need help reducing chronically high circulating cortisol. So yes, you may have some extra nervous energy but that’s not the same as being able to focus and be engaged positively in your life.

Look, I get the desire to shake off the winter blues and get back into something. In fact, I encourage it. But can we please find ways to re-engage with life and health promoting behaviours WITHOUT causing harm in the process?

The next Living Life As A Rebel group starts at the end of April. If you’re itching to ‘do’ something without getting caught in another diet cycle, then this may be just what you’re looking for. Register before April 12th to get Early Adopter bonuses!

Join the Rebellion

Health At Every Size™ approach to Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)

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“Just lose weight”

“Just stop eating carbs”

These are the first words of advice that most newly diagnosed PCOS sufferers hear. And most of them will try it. And most of them won’t be able to sustain it for long. And most of them will blame themselves.

This reason alone may explain why those with a PCOS diagnosis are also more likely to have unrecognized disordered eating behaviours or worse, a full blown eating disorder, than those without a PCOS diagnosis.

Birth control is another common first line therapy for PCOS. I don’t have any objection to birth control, especially if you’re trying to prevent pregnancy. But what if you do want to become pregnant? Or the contraceptives give you life interfering side effects?

I don’t mean to bum you out here. In fact, I hope to have the opposite effect. It’s just that most women who come to me with PCOS feel so defeated because they’ve done the low-carb/no-carb diet cycle so many times that they just can’t face it again but they also just can’t tolerate their symptoms anymore.

Or it’s a mother coming in saying that they think their daughter has PCOS and they’re terrified that they’ll end up on the same cycle but they have no idea what to do.

That hope that I was mentioning? PCOS can be treated without giving up carbs or going on another diet.

Step 1: History and Testing

Firstly, we need to see all of what’s going on. PCOS is a condition that comes with all kinds of potential challenges. We need to know what’s happening for YOU. We need to screen you for other conditions that tend to show up alongside PCOS like Binge Eating, Anxiety, Depression, Insulin Resistance, Vitamin D insufficiency and Inflammation.

Only once we have YOUR PCOS picture can we customize the PCOS Process to YOU.

Step 2: Nutritional Therapy

You didn’t think that nutrition would be left out just because I said no dieting did you? There are many ways to experiment with different ways of eating to help address your PCOS. We only do this if it’s safe to do so. In my experience those fresh out of diet culture can turn any nutritional recommendations into a new diet. We’ll take a look at your current relationship with food first and then proceed with caution. Intuitive Eating support may be just the nutritional therapy that you need.

Step 3: Supplement Therapy

Supplements are used to adjust the biochemistry of your PCOS and lessen symptoms over the long term. Which supplements and in what does will depend on what we discovered in Step 1. Don’t worry – you won’t have to swallow buckets of pills each day. I’ve never practiced like that. Typically it takes a 3-6 months to see any significant changes on your labs so we’ll keep working on other therapies in the meantime.

Step 4: Movement Therapy

We know that exercise is good for us right? But most people who’ve been living in diet land for years only know exercise to be punishing – either earning their treat or burning it off. Not to mention, some of the biochemistry of PCOS makes exercise painful and exhausting. So, we’re going to talk about movement. In the same way that we’re working on healing your relationship with food, so too will we be healing your relationship with your body and movement.

 Step 5: Stress Reduction Therapy

This step is one that we all like to skip over isn’t it? I can hear you “Kerri, we all have stress, I just deal with it”. Yes AND we need to assess your sleep (HUGE influence on hormones, appetite and cravings), rest (your body is sick and needs to be cared for), and mindset (having PCOS puts more stress on you than you’re even aware of). Don’t worry, I’m all about small changes made over the long-term. I promise that I won’t turn your life upside it’s head.

If you’re ready to try a anti-diet approach to PCOS, or if you think that you may have PCOS and don’t want to start down the diet cycle, then I invite you to book a Connection Call. We can chat, free of charge. If we discover that I’m not the right fit for you, that’s cool. I’m sure that I can point you in the direction that is a good fit for you.

Until next time,
Dr Kerri