Dr. Kerri Fullerton ND

Intuitive Eating. Health At Every Size (HAES) Doctor

body positive

My size doesn’t limit my participation

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I love being on the water. I love being near water. It just soothes me in a way that nothing else can.

But being in the water typically means wearing a bathing suit. And for most of my life that was hard. Having other people see my body, my fear of their judgement about my body – it was distracting from the activity that I was participating in.

Let me call out my privilege right now. I’ve never been in a really big body. The body that I have now is the biggest one I’ve had. I didn’t have to worry about finding a kayak that would support my weight or accommodate my size. That is a privilege.

But I didn’t understand the concept of privilege back then, and honestly, I don’t think that knowing it would’ve changed how hard it was to be seen. Because my body image challenges have never been about my body.

Let me say that again: my body image issues weren’t about my body.

My lack of body confidence came from growing up around women that were always at war with their own bodies. Always on a diet or about to start a diet after falling off the wagon. They spoke harshly about their own bodies and those of others.

My fear of judgement was part of undiagnosed anxiety.

My body dissatisfaction was from girls calling other girls (that were my size or smaller) fat. And hearing things like “if I ever get like that just shoot me”.

I believed with all of my being that I was too big and that if I could just have the body that I wanted then….then I’d be happy and confident.

Being able to enjoy being on the water without all of that chatter is one of the best results of my #foodfreedom #bodyacceptance journey.

🏝 traveling to Hawaii and actually being there (vs in my head)
🌺 paddle boarding with my friends in San Diego without comparing myself
☀️ saying yes to an impromptu kayak adventure with friends

I really didn’t realize how much life I was missing because of my focus on how I looked. By either opting out because of a bad-body-image-day or missing out while I was there because of the chatter in my head.

My size doesn’t limit my participation in life unless I let it. This is where understanding my privilege has helped so much because that statement isn’t actually true for a lot of people. A lot of people can’t participate because our world isn’t set up for large and very large bodies.

While I do my part to create a world of inclusion, I will no longer miss out on the opportunities life has on offer.

What would you do if you weren’t thinking about how you looked? Or worried about what other people thought about how you looked?

Let’s find out!

Permission Slip

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Some times I just can’t.

I just can’t do social media; I just can’t do the dishes or clean the house; I just can’t show up for that Zoom coffee we planned. That was hard for me to wrap my mind around let alone give myself permission for.

The pressures of ‘being enough’ are hard to live up to anytime. But when my tank is empty, it’s glaringly obvious that I cannot keep up. And I’ve finally acknowledged that I never should’ve been trying to in the first place. Not being able to keep up caused me a lot of heartache.

I would judge myself harshly for not keeping the house clean enough; for not spending enough quality time with my family; for not stimulating my child’s learning enough; for not feeding myself or my family ‘healthily’ enough; for not working out enough; for not sleeping enough; for not working enough; for not posting enough on my business page or in my group; for not having enough followers on Instagram…Enough!

After I had my baby I experienced severe post-partum anxiety. I’m embarrassed to admit that I didn’t even know it.
The fact that I couldn’t sleep, was binge eating daily, and I was angry at my husband all the time didn’t register as a ‘real’ problem to me. After all, didn’t all moms struggle?

Part of my journey back to mental health and getting out from under my binges was acknowledging and accepting that some days I just could NOT.

I had to get super clear about what REALLY mattered, to ME. I had to stop living into someone else’s definition of ‘winning at life’.

I know now that if I have enough energy to play catch OR do the dishes, that I’ll choose playing catch every time. The difference now is that I don’t experience guilt about it.

And you know what? Somehow we always have clean dishes to eat off of and clean clothes to wear.

As I healed I found my own version of ‘clean enough’ for my house and ‘done enough’ for my business. I’ve had to decide what MY definition of a win is.

So, until you can give yourself permission to ‘Just Not’, please borrow mine.

You are allowed to ‘Just Not’ today.

Tomorrow you can choose again. And again, and again, and again.

Questions? Let’s Chat.

Is “Fat But Fit” really possible?

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I sat and read the New York Post article, Being Fat but Fit isn’t Really Possible, over the weekend and am compelled to share my thoughts about it today. I’m so disappointed by this headline and by the conclusion of the study itself.

It’s important to note that the study DID find that increased physical activity decreased the risk for cardiovascular disease and diabetes across all BMI categories. It would be easy to forget this important finding with the provocative headline used by the New York Post.  To reiterate: fitness, in terms of activity, DOES in fact provide cardiovascular and health protection at ANY weight. Moving on.

The article concluded that this protection isn’t as great as it would be if those active participants were in a smaller body. That physical activity didn’t COMPETELY negate the negative consequences of being in a larger body. I have to ask though, when did healthy come to mean ZERO risk?

Over and above that, I’m bothered by the topics that they didn’t talk about at all that have an impact. Some of what they didn’t discuss in their paper is:

  • The history of weight cycling
  • The impacts of weight stigma and size discrimination

And finally, and possibly the most important piece that they glossed over, is that we do not currently have an intervention that can reduce someone’s weight to a ‘normal’ BMI and keep them there. That’s right. No matter how intentional or functional your weight loss is, there is no 100% certain, guaranteed method that will prevent you from ever gaining the weight back. Not to mention that intentional weight loss is associated with many negative health consequences.

Behaviour Based Approach

The Health At Every Size™ approach is behaviours based as opposed to an outcome based approach. That means that we focus on actions that are within a person’s control instead of outcomes that are not.  When we spend our time and energy focused on things that we can actually control, we have the opportunity to be empowered and engaged. We are given the opportunity to measure something that will build our confidence and that will lead to a positive experience which means that we are far more likely to keep it up. For example, one patient of mine was wanting to do a certain hike on her holiday. She started training to increase her strength and endurance. Even though her weight didn’t change, she was able to not only participate in that hike, but she also started to see how her new fitness levels were showing up in her day-to-day life. This is the longest that she has ever stuck to a fitness plan and a big part of that is because she stopped measuring her success (or failure) on the scale.

Sustained long-term weight loss has dismal, defeating and disappointing statistics. Most people who embark on a weight-loss journey are not going to be successful and those who are deemed a success usually maintain a very small weight loss compared to their initial weight loss. In fact, almost 95% of those who lose weight will have gained back some, all or more weight within 2-5 years. Traci Mann expands on this in her book “Secrets from the eating lab”.

Nobody wants to play a game that they can’t win and the weight loss game has been played for centuries with very little success. Certainly not the kind of success that these authors are talking about. According to them, in order to be labelled as ‘healthy,’ you must reach the lower weight and stay there permanently. And I haven’t even touched upon the shortcomings of the BMI scale yet.

Why am I talking about this today? If you read the article this weekend, and it started to throw you off the track of following a Diet Rebel lifestyle, where you’re pursuing your health and fitness goals without the pursuit of weight loss, I wanted to take this opportunity to assure you that you are still on the right track.

How much you weigh IS NOT UP TO YOU and we have to consider your history:

  • At what age did you start having a dysfunctional relationship with food and your body?
  • How many times has your weight gone up and down and down and up?
  • How dissociated are you from your body’s natural hunger and fulness signals, likes and dislikes?
  • What does your self-esteem and confidence look like?
  • How able are youto fully participate in life right now?
  • And what is your Childhood Adverse Experience score?

Twice as likely to have high cholesterol

Let’s do a quick chat about what it actually means if I tell you that you are twice as likely to have high cholesterol. That sounds terrifying doesn’t it? Let me share my risks with you. I won’t share my actual numbers (weight, BMI, cholesterol, etc.) but will share my actual risk assessment numbers.

I used this risk calculator (QRISK 2-2014) and found that currently I have a less than 1% risk of having a cardiovascular event in the next 5 years.

If I double my cholesterol level, it bumps me up to 1.5% chance. If I lose 20kg, but keep the higher cholesterol level, my risk changes to 1.1 %.

Numbers can be used to scare the pants off of us, but they can also be looked at as a way to smooth the edges of urgency and keep us focused on what matters – taking care of ourselves.

Now, I am a healthcare professional and I do care about health. There is no moral obligation, however, for you to care or value your health. I also know, as a healthcare provider, that stress and self-flagellation are not health promoting.

When we continually tell people in larger sized bodies that they cannot access the label of healthy, we are not helping them get healthy. Some of these people have been told from the time they were little kids that they were fat. They were bullied. They were told they didn’t belong. They weren’t allowed to enjoy the food like the rest of the family. Studies like this promote the perpetuation of weight stigma. Even if their bigger body didn’t show up until later in life, the mental health effects of weight stigma and not belonging; being told that their efforts aren’t good enough; that THEY are not good enough; have terrible effects on their physical health. Including diabetes risk, inflammation levels and cortisol levels. 

Where do we go from here?

We focus on where we have control. We focus on healing our relationship with food and our bodies. We focus on healing our relationship with exercise so that we can reap the benefits (the health benefits that were documented in the study). This way, we can continue to focus on health-promoting behaviours, such as:

  • Joyful and respectful movement,
  • Adopting self-compassion,
  • Practicing Intuitive Eating; and
  • Developing a mindfulness practice.

And then we let our bodies land where they will.

I’m here to help.

Dedicated to helping you find peace and power with your body,

Give the Gift of Body Positivity

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I’m often asked about what books to read when starting to embrace body positivity, health at every size and the anti-dieting world.

This time of year many will take some time off (I hope that you are one of them). Many will exchange gifts with their family, friends, and co-workers.

Here’s a list of a few books that you could consider gifting for yourself or someone else. Maybe you can take advantage of some Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals.

Enjoy!

Big Fit Girl by Louise Green Fitness is a really important piece to pursuing health. But it can be tricky if exercise has negative associations for you. Fellow Canadian Louise Green does an amazing job at inspiring plus size women to embrace their inner athlete. I had the pleasure of interviewing her not long ago. You can watch it here.

Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff  This is essential reading for anybody who’s ever struggled with the ‘inner critic’. Developing compassion for yourself is quite simply the best thing you could ever do. It will allow you to develop body positivity when it feels impossible to love the skin that you’re in.

Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch As you may know, I am 90% done my certification in Intuitive Eating. This is the way to bridge the gap between the anti-dieting movement and the health movement. Keep an eye on your inbox – I’m going to be running a group program in the New Year!

Body Kindness by Rebecca Scrichfield This is a visually appealing book so it feels less like a text book than some others. Great practical tips on how you can learn to love your body and start taking good care of it.

Embrace by Taryn Brumfitt The Body Image Movement has been incredible to watch. Taryn trained for a body building competition in an attempt to achieve the ‘perfect body’. What came from that was a documentary (I cried watching it), this book and an international movement.

 

Did I miss a really good one? Please share your favourites in the comments below. I’m always looking for new books to read.

In this diet and appearance based world of ours, I find it imperative that fill my mind with different messaging.

 

Dedicated to helping you achieve peace and power with your body,

Dr. Kerri

P.S. Have you watched Your Diet Escape Plan yet?