Dr. Kerri Fullerton ND

Intuitive Eating. Health At Every Size Doctor

Uncategorized

My size doesn’t limit my participation

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I love being on the water. I love being near water. It just soothes me in a way that nothing else can.

But being in the water typically means wearing a bathing suit. And for most of my life that was hard. Having other people see my body, my fear of their judgement about my body – it was distracting from the activity that I was participating in.

Let me call out my privilege right now. I’ve never been in a really big body. The body that I have now is the biggest one I’ve had. I didn’t have to worry about finding a kayak that would support my weight or accommodate my size. That is a privilege.

But I didn’t understand the concept of privilege back then, and honestly, I don’t think that knowing it would’ve changed how hard it was to be seen. Because my body image challenges have never been about my body.

Let me say that again: my body image issues weren’t about my body.

My lack of body confidence came from growing up around women that were always at war with their own bodies. Always on a diet or about to start a diet after falling off the wagon. They spoke harshly about their own bodies and those of others.

My fear of judgement was part of undiagnosed anxiety.

My body dissatisfaction was from girls calling other girls (that were my size or smaller) fat. And hearing things like “if I ever get like that just shoot me”.

I believed with all of my being that I was too big and that if I could just have the body that I wanted then….then I’d be happy and confident.

Being able to enjoy being on the water without all of that chatter is one of the best results of my #foodfreedom #bodyacceptance journey.

🏝 traveling to Hawaii and actually being there (vs in my head)
🌺 paddle boarding with my friends in San Diego without comparing myself
☀️ saying yes to an impromptu kayak adventure with friends

I really didn’t realize how much life I was missing because of my focus on how I looked. By either opting out because of a bad-body-image-day or missing out while I was there because of the chatter in my head.

My size doesn’t limit my participation in life unless I let it. This is where understanding my privilege has helped so much because that statement isn’t actually true for a lot of people. A lot of people can’t participate because our world isn’t set up for large and very large bodies.

While I do my part to create a world of inclusion, I will no longer miss out on the opportunities life has on offer.

What would you do if you weren’t thinking about how you looked? Or worried about what other people thought about how you looked?

Let’s find out!

Intuitive Eating and Food Sensitivities

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Cheese is delicious. And my body isn’t such a big fan. My mouth and brain are all in. My guts…not so much.

Making peace with food can be tricky and more nuanced when there are food sensitivities. How can I have unconditional permission to eat if I know that some foods will cause unpleasant symptoms?

I have to remember that I am allowed to eat anything that I want, including cheese. I’m a grown woman with full autonomy over my food choices. So if I want to eat cheese, I can. And if I choose to eat cheese I will also experience some uncomfortable gut stuff.

How does that saying go? You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of that choice.

So I ask myself, which experience would I prefer? I can enjoy the experience of the cheese and suffer the experience the gut stuff. Or I can experience the sense of loss by not eating the cheese and have no gut stuff.

As long as I don’t judge one choice as right and one as wrong, I just get to choose. Sometimes the cheese is the right choice. Pizza for instance can sometimes be an experience worthy of some gut stuff. Often it’s not.

Here’s another example of choose the experience.

I’m prone to under-eating during the day. I get into whatever I’m working on and don’t notice my hunger cues until I’m REALLY hungry. A really hungry body makes difference choices than a comfortably hungry body does. From what it craves to how much food is needed to satisfy. I prefer the comfortably hungry choices to the over hungry choices. So, I set reminders to check in with my hunger levels throughout the day. If I’m hungry but find myself wanting to “just do one more thing,” I ask myself which experience I would prefer. Again, without judgement.

And if I choose to work instead of eat, and I find myself into old food patterns later in the day, I remind myself with compassion that that was the experience that I chose for the day.

We get to make these choices so many times during the day. As long as judgement is left out, it can be an empowering experience.

If you’re looking for help in designing a strategy to allow you food freedom, book a call to see if we’re a good fit.

Let’s Connect!

We Make Time for What’s Important

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Exactly!!

How many times was I told from diet culture guru’s (fitness trainers, ND’s, doctors, business coaches) that if I didn’t make time for my health then my ill-health would force me to take the time.

What none of them were referring to was my actual health. No, they were referring to my weight suppression through what I ate and how I moved.

On my journey to making peace with my body and my food, I learned that my health needed so much more than food and exercise and a ‘healthy weight’.

Thankfully, I’ve always had environmental safety. I live in Canada and I have always lived in safe neighbourhoods.

Finances were more precarious. While I’ve always lived well above the poverty line and had access to higher education, I have had times when I needed to choose between buying food or paying my bills. Because of my access and privilege, I’ve not been there for long. That kind of stress is debilitating. One cannot exercise or eat their way out of the impact of that stress.

My mental and emotional health HAD to take the front seat for years. I had traumas to unearth and process. I had to learn how to identify feelings and emotions and then I had to learn how to be with those feelings and emotions. While exercise and food choices can affect this part of things, they cannot fix this part of things.

But working on my financial health and mental wellbeing weren’t recognized as working on my health. The results of this kind of work didn’t show up on my body in a way that anyone celebrated.

There’s more to mental health than just being happy. There’s more to physical health that just body weight and shape. People who jog everyday can still have high blood pressure and cholesterol, while people who are overweight can be ‘normal’ for both. Don’t let someone tell you you’re not healthy because you are overweight. You can be health. You will be healthy.

Let’s Talk

What’s for dinner?

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Isn’t it always the way. You barely get your morning coffee or tea, and someone asks “What’s for dinner tonight?” Huh? Dinner? I haven’t even poured my milk into my cup of strength and you want to know what’s for dinner? Ugh!

It’s like this all day. You need to plan for dinner at 7am so you can take something out of the freezer for that night. But you also have to plan what lunch the kids are taking to school and you’re taking to work. Oh, and let’s not forget, you still need to eat breakfast. And you’ve got 45 minutes to get it together and out the door! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to spend this much time thinking about eating. And I also want tasty satisfying food ready when I’m hungry.

One of the ways that I avoid this daily brain strain is to pre-plan some of my week. I sit down for a half hour or so and plan the entire week’s meals (or just a day or two if my capacity can’t think that far)- dinner for sure, sometimes lunch. Then I plan what I need to do in advance to make those meals and make a grocery list. I always make my plan based on the week’s events. Does the kid have practice at 6pm on Tuesday? Friday Night Family Night? Planning around my week, in advance, makes the morning more relaxed and less hair-pulling and I’m not trying out some new recipe when I have to run out the door.

If you’re planning on doing prepared meals – as in YOU prepare them – then leave that for the days that have more time. Preseason the chicken and freeze it. Put the ingredients to marinade the steak into a sealed bag with the steak and freeze it. You get the idea. Make the protein or casseroles in advance so all you need to do is veggies and starch (I also tend to have starches cooked in the fridge ready for a reheat). I realize that this assumes you have freezer space – if you don’t leave it in the fridge and cook it within a few days.

Want to try something new? Great. Just make sure that you have the time, money and capacity to do that. I generally try to limit that to once a week max.

For snacks and breakfasts I rely on my Master Food List. It’s my list of foods that I like to eat. I can then scan it and go “yes, that’s what I’d like right now” when my mental capacity isn’t there. For instance, I happen to love celery and peanut butter, but for some reason, I forgot about it. Or tuna melts for breakfasts – super satisfying but rarely something that I think about.

If you’re the type that enjoys dessert or eating out, plan for it. Meal planning in my house isn’t about restriction – it’s about mental peace.

My meal planning strategies are a little unconventional, but they’ve worked in my house for years.

Join my Mindful Meal Planning program so you can avoid the overwhelm of the Dinner Decision.

Mindful Meal Planning

A game that can’t be won isn’t a fun game at all

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Nobody wants to play a game that can’t be won.

Weight loss is one of those games.

Early on in our weight loss careers – and for many, it is a career – we did lose weight, and usually it was easy. That set the belief that weight loss is achievable, so we keep playing the game without realizing that we never get to play THAT game again.

That first weight loss attempt was unique. Our body wasn’t prepared for it. So while it sorted out how to protect you from starvation, the weight dropped off.

But your body is brilliant. It’s especially brilliant at taking care of you, and that means making sure that you don’t starve. And no, you don’t have to do anything extreme like drinking only shakes or fasting for this to happen. It will happen with ANY energy deficiency – even moderate ones.

Your body will ready for the next time. As soon as the energy starts to drop, it will pump out a bunch of hormones that will force you to think about food. You may be able to distract yourself a bit, but your body will keep pushing food as the priority – the same way that it would push air as a priority if your breathing were impaired.

Adrenaline will start to be pumped out more frequently, giving you a slight illusion that you’re kicking ass and taking names – feeling like a million bucks. Best. Diet. Ever! But that can’t be carried on long-term either. That system is meant to get you away from danger so that you can rest. It’s not designed as a permanent state of being. So the next time, that won’t last as long either. Your body will pump out cortisol that will leave you feeling more hungry, not less.

The weight loss game is rigged to fail. You cannot stop your body from protecting you – and you should not try. Instead of being mad at it, give it a quick thanks. It’s had your back this whole time.

So what then? Just give up?

The Game Is Rigged In The House’s Favour

Am I suggesting that you give up a game that rigged? Yes, yes I am.

I’m suggesting that you acknowledge that you’ve been tricked into playing this game for other people’s profit and agendas. Get mad! Take your ball and go home! Start playing a new game!!

In this game, you have your body’s back and it has yours. Together you can work as a team.

And the best part is that with this game … you can win on the regular. You become “the House.”

What makes this game so different?

You spend your time and energy focused on things that are within your control – your behaviours.

Ante Up for You!

But I should know how to do this I shouldn’t need to spend money on a coach

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I was speaking to a friend of mine who works with women in the early postpartum years and she was commenting on how easy it is for women to spend money on programs that will directly help their children but not on how to navigate being a parent.

And, I remember, a few years ago a woman saying to me that she “… shouldn’t have to pay you to know how to eat, it’s just food.”

There’s certain things in life that we feel we’re just supposed to know how to do. Things such as having babies, breast-feeding, being a wife, being a sister, being a daughter, eating, sleeping, setting boundaries, etc.

It’s interesting though because the world is constantly pulling us away from our intuition; telling us what we should be doing, how we should be feeling, what we should wearing, what path we should be taking, and what is best for our family. Then we’re confused as to why we need help coming back to our own voice and to our own selves.

Literally, since childhood, most of the adults in our lives have told us what would be best for us. It’s a rare occasion when I meet someone who grew up in a home where parents asked them: what they thought they needed, how hungry they were, what kind of food were they hungry for, when they felt they needed rest or movement/play, how are they feeling, would they like to sit in that feeling or would they like to process it and come out. These are not questions that most people were ever asked growing up, so it seems reasonable to me that, as adults, once we become acutely aware that we have distanced ourselves from our inner voice, from our intuition and from our spiritual path, that we need help learning how to come back to it. The next challenge is then finding someone who isn’t going to tell you what to do, but is someone who is going to teach you how to listen and how to heed what it is that your body wants.

We learned that we’re off our intuitive path when things feel overwhelmingly difficult. I’m not talking your usual discomfort, but when we feel burdened by every day life. It can look like becoming hyper focused on certain things like counting, or tracking our bodies. Or maybe we find ourselves using comfort tools as full on distractions or numbing agents. This could be wine, it could be exercise, it could be food, it could be YouTube, it could be video games, it could be gossip – the list is endless.

All I’m trying to say is that just because you think you should know how to hear your intuition, it doesn’t mean that you do and that it’s OK to ask for help and learn how to step back into your self. It’s OK to not know. It’s OK to ask for help – even when it’s something as simple as eating.

I’m here