Weight Watchers was my Gateway diet.

When I said that I wanted to lose weight, both my mother and my doctor thought that WW was the healthiest way. It was perceived to be a ‘lifestyle’ not a ‘fat diet’ so only good could come.

When I went to Weight Watchers they accepted me with open arms and the only measurement that they took was my weight. Nobody looked at my blood sugars, or my blood pressure. Nobody assessed my mental health, or my self-esteem.  Nobody screened me for anxiety or depression. Nobody gave me a questionnaire like EAT-26 to see if I had any disordered eating. I was not screened for an eating disorder. Not by my doctor and not by Weight Watchers.

The reason none of this happened then and why none of it happens now is because we believe that health and weight are the same thing. Weight bias is alive and well. We believe that if someone wants to lose weight and get healthy that we should support them. After all, we are at war with Obesity. It doesn’t even occur to us to look under the hood and see what’s really going on.

Here’s where I could launch into a whole HAES discussion about the damage of promoting weight stigma. But I won’t. Because if you only speak Diet Culture then you won’t follow my argument at all. And, you may even take a very defensive stance about weight and health and all of their relationships. So let’s not. Let’s stick to the fluency of Diet Culture.

Fact: We are dieting ourselves fat.

Yes it’s true. Repeatedly research has shown that Intentional Weight Loss is a steady and consistent predictor for weight gain.

Our intentions for the weight loss are irrelevant. It doesn’t matter if you’re motivation is health or vanity. The end result is that those who are trying to lose weight now are very likely to weigh more later.

We don’t like to talk about this research. There’s the conspiracy theories around the weight-loss industries investment in keeping us in this deadly cycle. And I won’t deny having a foot in that camp.

But the far more pervasive reason is that we don’t want people to give up on their health. And since we believe that health and weight are the same, we conclude that if we stop trying to lose weight we stop trying to be healthy. We keep pushing out study after study warning us of the dangers of excess fat. And if we tell people that their efforts at weight loss are futile then our obesity crisis is only going to get worse.

Let me circle back to the language fluency here. Diet Culture is a language that only knows weight loss. It’s the only solution. We keep changing the language, and we keep repurposing old ‘fad diets’ (Atkins) into ‘healthy lifestyles’ (Keto), but in the end it’s always the same.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them” is a quote attributed to Einstein.

It became abundantly clear to me that Diet Culture was never going to get me what I wanted. I was never going to get to my goal weight and stay there. I was never going to feel safe and comfortable with food or with my body if I didn’t learn a new language.

So I learned the language of Intuitive Eating. Much to my delight, it was actually my native tongue. I was born speaking Intuitively. But I was also born into a world that spoke Diet Culture. And so I became fluent in Diet Culture and adopted it as my primary language.

I only wish that Mom had learned her native language before I stepped into WW that first time. She could’ve shared it with me and it would have saved me decades of weight cycling; decades of guilt and shame for my body and my food choices; decades of feeling like a failure. Maybe, just maybe, she could’ve saved me from my eating disorder.

I don’t blame Mom. She was speaking Diet Culture so fluently that she didn’t even know that it wasn’t her native language. Her mom spoke it too.

Please, don’t let your child download this new WW (formerly Weight Watchers) app. You’d be actively helping her step into the weight cycle. I know that learning a new language is daunting. It’s not easy. At first it’s really hard. But in time it becomes so peaceful and easy. Diet Culture will start to seem archaic and barbaric.

If you want to change the talk in your house and just don’t know where to start, let’s chat. This isn’t about me selling you something. This is about me trying to fulfill my mission of raising a generation that doesn’t look to their body for their happiness, self-worth or confidence. I desperately want to stop this cycle. I don’t want them to go through what I’ve been through.  

Dedicated to helping you find peace and power with your body,

I don’t know about you, but I certainly ate more sweets in the last three days than I normally do.

How do you feel today?

I know how I used to feel after an ‘indulgent’ weekend. Crappy.

Tired, bloated, and ‘fat’. Easter Monday was time to get back on track; clean up my diet; take control.

Even just writing that leaves me feeling a little anxious. I remember how determined I would get and the pressure that I would put on myself to finally get my sh*t together. It would leave me feeling with a mix of hope and fear.

Spring is here which means that shorts and t-shirts and *gasp* bathing suits are coming. I would look at my body and think – yep, not going happen like this. Add that to the lethargy left over from a weekend of family dinners and chocolate and it was the perfect storm for one last diet.

You know what stops me from doing that now?

The simple truth that diets don’t work. In fact, it’s a great way to gain weight. And yes, this includes the clean eating ‘wellness’ dieting that we’ve adopted instead.

Now, does that mean that I’m not thinking about my health and how I feel today? Heck no. I just approach it differently now.

It’s my Food Happens – Get Over It process.

RELEASE

“for there’s nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so, and so it is a prison”

            – Hamlet

The first step to getting over the food is to release myself from whatever I did with the food.

If I overate that’s all that happened. The extra narration (“I’m such a pig”, “I have no will power”, “sugar is toxic and I need to cut it from my life”) is all added by me. None of it is true.

It’s what we call The Food Police. It’s the voices and ‘truths’ that I’ve accumulated over my lifetime. Release is about forgiveness. If I punish myself for my food choices over the weekend, I only add fuel to the fire and keep the guilt alive longer. And I keep those foods emotionally charged. Every human being wants what they can’t have.

REALIGN

“Keep it simple and focus on what matters. Don’t let yourself be overwhelmed.”
            – Confucius

It’s easy to get caught up in a lifestyle overhaul. As I shared in my Mindful Meal Planning webinar a couple of weeks ago, that doesn’t work.

Focus on what really matters.

I know that the reason why I’m not loving how my body looks and feels today is because of how I feel. It’s not really about how I look.

So what matters, is coming back to respecting and caring for my body.

This leads us into step three…

RELEARN

“exercise because you love your body, not because you hate it”

In diet culture getting back on track means cutting out or cutting back (aka restriction). And/or hitting the gym to make up for my indulgences (aka punishment).

In Intuitive Eating and Body Acceptance culture getting back on track means:

• speaking to my body as though I loved it (or at least respected it)
• honouring my hunger (not skipping or skimping)
• feeling my fullness (and stopping if I’m full or getting more if I’m not)
• respecting my likes and dislikes (not choking down green smoothies or eliminating carbs)
• meeting my basic needs of sleep and rest
• moving my body in a way that feels good (not pushing it when it’s screaming to stop)
• taking care of my emotional needs (so that I don’t turn to food for comfort)

I chose to be a certified Intuitive Eating counsellor is because it’s how I can bridge the gap between the anti-dieting world and the health world. I’m not interested in being a part of the ‘f*ck it I’m eating whatever I want and don’t care’ approach. But I simply cannot support diet culture anymore – even in the name of health. It causes so much harm both physically and emotionally.

I hope that on this Monday, you will consider ‘getting back on track’ in a new, more respectful way.

Dedicated to helping you find peace and power with your body,

Have you ever thought “Jeez I just wish that someone else would do it for me?”

I sure have. It was in my most desperate times and when I felt most out-of-control. That’s when those kinds of plans are most appealing right?  I didn’t care if the food was going to taste like cardboard, I just didn’t want to have to think about it anymore!

When I was in my late teens or maybe in my early 20s, I decided to invest in one of those plans. Even though I was already in a healthy weight range that didn’t stop them from trying to “help” me. But that’s a different rant for another blog.

I signed up, did my weigh in, got my counsellor and bought my food. It was easy at first. It felt really good to “be in control”. I just had to eat what I was given and nothing else.

Until it wasn’t…

This carried on until the day I was invited out for dinner with my family. I wasn’t going to bring my prepared food with me so I ate what I believed was a reasonable amount and carried on with my plan.

When I went for my weigh-in we ended up having a conversation about this dinner. She wanted figure out how I could handle it better next time. She wanted to know why I was embarrassed to bring food and she questioned how important my weight loss really was to me. I left that appointment feeling ashamed and a little angry. How could she question that my weight loss wasn’t important to me?! honestly it felt like it was everything.

And yet, I wasn’t willing to go that far. Have you ever experienced that? Maybe you were asked to weigh and measure everything that you eat and yet at the family dinner you didn’t really want to break out your scales and spoons.

Danger Zone

This is one of the dangerous traps of these kinds of plans. What happens is that people stop accepting the dinner invitations. They don’t want to fail. They don’t want to ‘fall off the wagon’ so they isolate.  It’s dangerous because even if it does lead to weight loss it’s just not sustainable.

We are social creatures and we gather around food. We always have and we always will. Does that mean that every dinner out should be a thoughtless free-for-all? Of course not. I advocate strongly for eating within your body’s hunger and fullness cues. But the food is also supposed to be satisfying and the emotional needs that are satisfied from the social interactions are just as important as the nutrition provided in the food.

How do we find the middle ground? The reason why I spent my money on that program and why I was drawn to the pre-portioned foods was because I was tired. I was overwhelmed. I was frustrated and I felt like I didn’t have any control. I just didn’t want to have to think about it anymore.

Unfortunately the ‘eat-this-but-not-that’ plan is a temporary solution at best. We all have an inner Rebel who will eventually put up the middle finger and say “Screw it! I’m having the bread or dessert or (insert whatever was on the ‘no’ list)”. And the natural consequence to restriction is over-indulgence. And so the pendulum begins to swing again.

This is why I’ve landed with Intuitive Eating. It’s the middle ground. It’s the ‘pay-attention-but-not-too-much-attention’ plan. It can appeal to the Rebel in you as well as the Nurturer in you that wants you to be healthy and strong.

I’m leading an Intuitive Eating Foundations program in the New Year. I find that incorporating this new approach works best with others and some guidance to understand the nuances of middle ground. Going it alone can easily lead to confusion. If you’d like to be notified when early access is open, please click here.

Above all else, when you find yourself tempted to start another plan, ask yourself this. Can I do this for the rest of my life? Will I actually enjoy doing this forever?

If the answer is no, then your weight loss will be temporary and in all likelihood you’ll gain it all back. I know that sucks but it’s the truth. And aren’t you done with listening to the lies?

Dedicated to helping you find peace and power with your body,

Gatherings of people, especially involving woman, invariably end up in conversations about who lost or gained weight and what diet or exercise program is being followed.When you’re working towards a body positive approach to life, or recovering from an eating disorder, this can create quite a challenge.

How do you respectfully, yet firmly, direct the conversation away from body and food?

Here’s a few steps that you can take to make this family feast more enjoyable and respectful.

1. Head’s Up

• When you are changing the dance steps, it’s only fair to give them a heads up. Otherwise they’re going to trip up.
• They will likely need reminding but hopefully this creates the awareness up front. You can even discuss what you can say to them when they go to a topic that’s not healthy for you.
• This step is scary for many and I get it. Just remember that most people are making the comments because they love you. By you letting them know that their way of expressing that love is misplaced and is actually hurting you, they have an opportunity to support you.

2. Go Prepared

• Below are some suggestions but try to use your own words whenever possible.
• These are not to engage or defend, just simply stating where the lines are.
• Visualizing how you’ll handle things will leave you more empowered. And don’t worry if it still comes out wrong. Self-compassion goes a long way. This is a whole new language.

3. Rinse and Repeat

• • Repetition reinforces your stance without engaging in the conversation.
• I find three times is typically all that it takes.

4. Shut it Down

• If you’d like the opportunity to discuss Body Positivity or Intuitive Eating with this person you could choose to add “If you would like to discuss this further at another time, we can set something up”.
• Again, if it continues use the “Rinse and Repeat” step again.

5. Escape Plan

• Giving yourself permission to walk away is important. If it gets to be too much, your health is more important than how it looks or what they’ll say when you’re gone.
• Consider having a place to go or something to do (like journalling, using a punching bag, yoga) afterwards so that you can decompress without using food or exercise.

6. Dignity… Check!

• You’ll want to speak with strength and grace so that you leave with your head held high.
• When you change the dance you challenge their ways. For some, that won’t be well received. Know that this is a reflection of who they are, not who you are.

Here are a few suggestions on how to address specifics types of comments. Rinse and Repeat.

Comments about how much you are or are not eating:

• “I thought that you were dieting?”
• “Are you sure that you need more?”
• “Wow, that’s an awfully big slice/plate/serving”
• “Oh come on, it’s the holidays, indulge a little…it’s only pie/potato/bread”

• “Yes, I’m really looking forward to eating this.”
• “No thank-you, I’ve had enough.”
• “Please don’t comment about my food choices.”
• “I am certain that your comment comes from a place of love, and for that I thank you. Please know, that I no longer accept comments about my food or body.”

Comments about your body:

• “Hey, have you lost weight? What plan are you on?”
• “Oh I see you’ve had an indulgent year”

• “I appreciate that you care enough to notice my size. Please know that I no longer accept comments about my body or food, and I no longer discuss diet and exercise.”
• “I’ve discovered that women have this tendency to focus on body size. So odd. I’m trying something new and going for deeper conversations. What have you been up to lately?”

Comments about what diet they are on or the food itself:”Can you believe how much sugar is in that?

• “Do you have any idea what that’s doing in your body?”
• “Can you believe how many grams of xyz is in that?”
• “I’m vegetarian/paleo/vegan/whole foods now. I feel amazing, I’ve lost a ton a weight, you should try it, I bet you’d feel and look better”

• “I’m pleased to see you taking an interest in your health. Please know that I do not discuss my body or my diet.”
• “Let’s not discuss the food. I want to know about how you’ve been.”

When someone speaks for you:

• “Oh no, she doesn’t need the gravy/rolls/dessert”

• “I’ll speak for myself thank you. Yes please/no thank you I would/wouldn’t like some.”

For the last 8 years I had no reason to know what I weighed. I had broken up with the scale like it was an abusive boyfriend. My self-esteem took a deep hit every time that I got on it. So, I said “no more”. Weight loss just can’t be my focus.

Well, this winter, I had a reason to know my weight. I bought some new ski equipment and I needed my bindings set to my current weight. If I hadn’t set them to my weight, I could’ve ended up with skis that popped off all the time, or stayed on when they really needed to pop off. Either way, it could’ve led to injury.

The only other reason that I can justify knowing my weight, is if I were to need to take a medication that dosing is dependent on my weight. Again, safety is the reason. Other than that, my weight is simply one of many possible risk factors toward my overall health. And since measuring it led me to a place of questionable mental health, I chose to not bother.

When I got on that scale this winter, I saw a number that I’d not seen before (outside of pregnancy anyway). I watched the barrage of thoughts flow through my head. I remembered quickly why weighing myself had always done more harm than good. I had this urge to make that number mean something and I had to be conscious about keeping facts from fiction.

Let’s start with the facts (since there are far less of those).

Fact: this is the heaviest I’ve ever been.

Fact: my gravitational pull has increased since I last weighed myself.

Yep, that about sums up all the facts. Everything else was fiction. But that didn’t make it easy.

I could have added a few commentaries, and I certainly would’ve in the past. It happened every time that I saw “that number”. You know that number – the one that leads to a major change in the diet and the lifestyle. It’s desperate. It’s frantic.

It follows a dialogue something like this: I’m out of control, I’m so freaking lazy, I’m going to drop dead of a heart attack or get diabetes, I’m such an idiot, I’m so ugly and disgusting, I can’t believe that I let it get this bad, my husband is going to start cheating on me, nobody will take me seriously as a healthcare provider…and so on, and so on, and so on.

It’s a beating that no one could deliver with more vehemence than myself. It’s full of shame and dread and fear. It’s an awful place.

Let me share with you how this time was so different for me. Remember, 8 years of not getting on the scale because of this horrid place; and seeing a number that I had only seen during pregnancy – it could’ve so easily gone so very wrong. I could’ve easily ended up on a new diet and exercise program. I could’ve even convinced myself that it wasn’t about the weight, that it was about my health. And that could’ve been my entry point in the dieting/self-loathing cycle that I’ve happily escaped.

Here’s what I realized:

Fiction looking like fact #1: I’m so freaking lazy, I need to start an exercise program.

Nope, I already do that. In fact, I lead a more active lifestyle than most North Americans.

Fiction looking like fact #2: I’m out of control.

Actually, no. I’m still wearing clothes that I bought more than five years ago. My eating habits are more controlled than ever, since I now listen to my body and practice intuitive eating. No binges.

Fiction looking like fact #3: I’m going to drop dead of a heart attack or get diabetes.

This one is worth is exploring more. While my weight does have the potential to affect my health, it does not define my health. My weight is a possible risk factor for disease.

So, being the geek that I am, I plugged in all of my numbers into two different risk assessment tools (get yours here). One to know my risk of having a heart attack or stroke in the next ten years (it’s under 5% btw) and one to know my risk of developing diabetes in the next ten years (it’s under 15%).

So, this begs the question, am I healthy? And what is heathy anyway?

For right now, let’s say that health is defined by having low risk of developing disease, heart attack, stroke, diabetes, osteoporosis.

Health also includes financial health, stress, mental health, relationships…I could go on a serious tangent here, so I’ll keep this discussion purely in the physical health world and save my overall health rant for another time.

Let’s delve into risk factors.

There’s weight.

There’s cholesterol and blood pressure.

There’s activity level.

How about vegetables consumed? Yep.

Family history and of course, gender.

My husband, by being a man, has double the likelihood of having a heart attack or stroke. Just by having a penis he has double the risk. Does that make all men unhealthy then?

Since my risk factor (my weight) is visible to everyone, it is assumed that I’m not healthy. It’s assumed that I must lose weight for my health’s sake and A LOT of people feel OBLIGED to tell me that. Even though I’m in the lowest risk category for disease across the board.

But, a normal weighted (hate the term but roll with me here) woman who doesn’t like veggies, hates exercise and has high cholesterol is far more at risk than me. She also doesn’t have to endure any of the HELPFUL advice by family and friends (even strangers on the street or online) who feel compelled in EDUCATING her for her own good about her health.

This is why the body positive movement is so important.

We live and act as though someone with extra weight is a walking disease. That they’re destined to drain the healthcare system of resources and die a horrible early death.

It’s ONE risk factor folks!!

Not to mention, study after study shows that by increasing exercise and improving one’s nutrition, those risks drop. EVEN if weight isn’t dropped!! And by a lot I’ll add. Take for instance the Diabetes prevention program – the diet and lifestyle group only lost an average of 4-8 pounds; but they decreased their risk by 60%. That’s a big deal.

When we treat people with obesity with disdain, when we give Nike a hard time for making clothes that fit bigger bodies, when we shame and bully those with extra weight, we don’t contribute to their health. Not one bit.

When you bully yourself for being fat, you’re not contributing to your health.

When you tell yourself that you’re lazy and have no control, you’re not helping your health.

That’s what I used to do every time that I got on the scale. I’d criticize myself with such harsh words it’s embarrassing to admit. My mental health declined. My physical health declined. I was far more likely to say ‘eff it’ and eat my way through my feelings in that state. It was unlikely that I would get out to an exercise class in that state. I was more inclined to hide my fat, ugly body from the world.

That’s not what happened this winter. I saw a number and stated the facts. The fiction, I’ll leave to the trolls. They don’t seem to have anything better to do with their time.

Please know your risks. Your health is important.

Cardiovascular health: http://chd.bestsciencemedicine.com/calc2.html

Diabetes risk: https://qxmd.com/calculate/calculator_236/findrisc-diabetes-risk-calculator

And then take care of your health.

1. Work towards using a kinder more respectful voice with yourself.
2. Find a way to enjoyably move your body more often. I chose to ski this winter and it was the most active winter I’ve had in years.
3. Learn to nourish your body instead of depriving it. Create a healthy relationship with food. One that includes all food groups, all celebratory meals, and one that truly satisfies.

If this sounds brilliant to you but you’re not sure where to start, then I invite you to book a free call with me. Let’s chat about how you can start to make a move towards better health.

Give up on the dieting, not on your health.

Dedicated to helping you achieve peace with your body,