Body Image

Is it Possible to be Fit and Fat, and Have Fun?

January 26, 2017 by Kerri Fullerton

What does being ‘fit’ mean to you? Does it bring to mind images of tanned and toned bodies no larger than a size 4? Even with the #bodypositive movement, so many of us don’t associate different body types as being fit and healthy. Socially, we have formed such a strong connection between fitness and ‘skinny’ bodies that many of us don’t even consider that someone could, at the same time, be ‘fat’ and fit. This stigma is leaving many women and girls in a constant battle for the ‘perfect body’, and even worse, it’s readily being passed onto the next generation. Our children are being taught from a young age that your size is a reflection of your health. What can we do to stop the cycle? Change the conversation.

This week, I’d like to share a story. Recently, I was at a wedding where a belly dancer was brought in to perform for the guests. As she stepped onto the dance floor, many of us were in awe of her presence; she was beaming, dripping in brightly coloured silks and gold jewellery. For half an hour, she shook, shimmied and danced to song after song. No breaks. But, what seemed to strike many of us was her size. She was not what society would describe as small, and she carried more around the middle than most women would consider desirable.

I was not the only health professional at the wedding. During the performance, one of my fellow professionals turned to me with wide eyes and said, “I would have expected her to have a six pack.” I looked back at her inquisitively. She concluded that, “She just looks so strong” and I agreed. It was at this moment that I understood how prevalent this misconception is. So many of us don’t seem to believe that you can be ‘fat’ AND fit.

What struck me more than anything was the way in which my fellow healthcare professionals judged her. I was among very talented individuals, who are all amazing at what they do. They care deeply about their work and their patients. Even as I was surrounded by what should have been an incredibly accepting group, I was instead met with body prejudice; my colleagues were unable to disassociate the size of the woman from their assumption about her fitness. This beautiful, strong and inspiring woman was the embodiment of good health. She had us all beat on core strength and stamina, as she danced with grace and softness. Yet all we could focus on was her size.

Within the #bodypositive community, the belly dancer I saw perform wouldn’t be considered ‘fat’. Instead, she would be categorized as ‘full sized’ (and not ‘plus sized’). But by Hollywood’s standards, she was ‘fat’. She does not have the kind of body that we typically see in magazines, movies or commercials. Ultimately, she was far from what we consider the ‘ideal body.’[1]

Here lies the challenge. The stigma we hold to those people who carry extra weight is so deeply engrained in our own minds and perspectives that we accept it as true. Fat becomes synonymous with lazy, unhealthy and undesirable. As a society, we become so stuck with these thoughts that many individuals are becoming hypersensitive. They believe that they carry extra weight (even though they are very ‘normal’) and are opting to avoid everyday activities because of their distorted body image. For some people, that means not participating in fitness related activities for fear of being seen, judged or even shamed. The judgement of their own bodies prevents them from being free to live their life. Even more disappointing is that this scenario is far from rare. The Dove report revealed that 80% of women and girls had cancelled important life events (like birthday parties, trying out for a team, family dinners and holidays) due to low body esteem.[2]

Starting from a very young age, children look to their parents for love, guidance and support. They are in the process of forming their own perspective of the world, and along the way, they internalize the perspectives and ideals of the family.[3] This is why it’s so important for us to change the conversation of food and the body at the beginning of the parenting journey. When mom and dad repeatedly speak about their eating habits, their diet, or their weight loss journey, children are taught that those are priorities in life. Instead of inadvertently contributing to disordered eating and a bad body image, we can focus on a healthy outlook on life. Our kids need to know that skinny doesn’t mean healthy, and fat doesn’t mean unhealthy.[4]

The new conversation teaches us that parents who:

Discuss healthy eating with their kids without the conversation being about weight, raise teenagers that are less likely to develop eating disorders or obesity [i]
Don’t restrict foods, raise teenagers that are less likely to develop disordered eating [ii]
Model healthy eating behaviours and lifestyle choices themselves, for the sake of health and not weight loss, raise kids who are more likely to live a healthy lifestyle [iii]

Instead of being fearful of fat, we need to focus on fun. Rather than dieting before a special event, why not stay active with your kids or your husband? For the next generation, we need to create an environment where children are not afraid of being teased, and where teenagers aren’t constantly comparing themselves to the countless ‘skinny’ celebrities. Just as it does with women, the stigma around fat is stopping our children from participating in the very activities that lead to health. You can’t tell a person’s health from their weight, and you can’t tell a person’s fitness from their size. Just like the belly dancer, we can be incredibly fit, while living in a large body. I encourage my Rebels to not only change their perspective, but change the conversation.

Until next time,

Live Life. Love Food. Be Free.

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[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/media-spotlight/201311/media-exposure-and-the-perfect-body

[2] http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/new-dove-research-finds-beauty-pressures-up-and-women-and-girls-calling-for-change-583743391.html

[3] https://opentextbc.ca/introductiontosociology/chapter/chapter5-socialization/

[4] http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/05/can-you-be-fat-and-fit-or-thin-and-unhealthy/

[i] JAMA Pediatr. 2013 Aug 1;167(8):746-53. doi: 10.1001/jamapediatrics.2013.78

[ii] Int J Eat Disord. 2014 Apr;47(3):310-4. doi: 10.1002/eat.22189. Epub 2013 Sep 18.

[iii] Br J Nutr. 2008 Feb;99 Suppl 1:S22-5. doi: 10.1017/S0007114508892471.

Body Image Has Nothing To Do With the Body!

January 20, 2017 by Kerri Fullerton

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see a beautiful, caring and strong woman? Or do you see an extra 10 pounds, an imperfect complexion or a disappointing appearance? It’s not just you, we tend to see the flaws in ourselves more than others would[1]. We look in the mirror and become overly critical of our appearance, because we believe that it is the root of all our problems. Our bodies act as the scapegoats to our insecurities. For many of us, it’s easier to focus on making changes to the body, rather than making changes to the mind. Over the years, I’ve learned that the opposite is true. Changing your body does not result in a boost of confidence, nor does it dispel feelings of anxiety, inadequacy or sadness. What’s the only thing that happens when you change your body? Your body looks different.

At its most basic, the term ‘body image’ describes the way you see yourself while looking in the mirror, or through a mental image[2]. This image is formed by years of influence, thought and your personal perception. Your body image can be categorized as either positive or negative. A positive body image means that you have a clear understanding of your body, and your shape; You celebrate and appreciate it in its natural form. People with a positive body image will feel confident and comfortable with their body, and spend little to no time worrying about food, weight and calories.

Alternately, someone with a negative body image may feel ashamed, self-conscious and anxious about their body. Feeling uncomfortable in your body is a common indicator of a negative or distorted body image. If you’re still not sure how positive or negative your body image is, think about how you feel when you get dressed in the morning. Is your mental chatter[3] encouraging, or demeaning? If you tell yourself that everything you put on looks terrible, you likely have a negative body image.

Last week, I was speaking with one of my Rebels about her dieting kick from a few years back. She told me of the temporary success she found with one of the ‘fad diets’ of the time, a diet that restricted her from eating one of her favorite treats. Her goal was to lose about 15 pounds, which was the weight remaining after she had her first child. It took her around 3 months to achieve her goal, and when the scale finally reflected all of her hard work, she expected to feel excited, proud and confident. But when she looked up at herself in the bathroom mirror, she didn’t like what she saw looking back at her. When she went shopping to buy clothes that fit her new body, she still felt uncomfortable and self-conscious. Her ‘ah-ha!’ moment came when she realized that her three-month journey didn’t in fact make her happier. Instead, it made her realize that there were some other feelings that she hadn’t been dealing with because she mistakenly believed they were attached to her body.

When learning to accept your body image as separate from your physical body, it’s important to understand that this connection has been forming in your mind for years. Since you were a young child, you have been absorbing the beauty ideals of your family, your peers and the media[4]. Every time we see an image of a skinny model in a magazine, we subconsciously accept that her shape is the ideal body. When we saw this message repeated time and time again, we believe that achieving that ‘perfect’ body will bring us success, happiness and prosperity. Changing our perception isn’t always easy, especially with the diet and fitness industry telling us how to we can ‘change our life in 2 short months!’ But making small incremental changes to our thought process can make a huge impact in our day-to-day lives.

I encourage my Rebel’s to try and recognize when they are feeling especially self-conscious, or uncomfortable with their appearance. Those moments often tell us a lot about the other insecurities that might be causing the thoughts of a negative body image. Try and ask yourself:

What kind of situation am I in? Being in a new environment can cause feelings of anxiety and an enhanced awareness of your body image. Remember you can always take yourself out of a situation if it doesn’t feel right to you.
Who am I surrounded by? Are they people who are positive and encouraging?
Is there something else bothering me? Many of our insecurities have been developed over a long period of time, which means we may confuse them with our body image.

Ask anyone who has finally reached their goal weight or their ideal size, how did they feel after their ‘achievement’? A sense of accomplishment is expected, and a feeling of dissatisfaction with their result is too often experienced. I tell all of my Rebels that before you do anything, you have to change your perspective. Feeling confident and comfortable within your natural body is more important than working tirelessly for your ‘perfect’ body. The REBELution stands for happiness, and believes in breaking the cycle of self-hate. You are beautiful and you are already perfect just as you are.

Until next time,

Live Life. Love Food. Be Free.

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[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200505/metaperceptions-how-do-you-see-yourself

[2] http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/what-body-image

[3] https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sapient-nature/201310/how-negative-is-your-mental-chatter

[4] http://psychology.jrank.org/pages/84/Body-Image.html

Are You Calling Me Fat?

December 9, 2016 by Kerri Fullerton

Fat talk. We’ve all heard it, and we’ve all felt the sting that comes along with it. Sometimes it’s subtle, like when your aunt suggests that you’re, “probably not hungry for dessert” but other times it can be very clear, like when a friend mentions that, “you’ve gained some weight since I last saw you.” These comments don’t go unnoticed, and they can create feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. Also known as body bashing, fat talk has been linked to the development of problematic eating habits¹, and it encourages thin ideals that are often unrealistic. On the journey to become a better you, this language can act as a very difficult barrier. Arming yourself to defend against this kind of talk is the best way to ensure your long term success and your immediate happiness.

I’m no stranger to fat talk. I see it all the time. I remember attending a birthday party with some friends not long ago. One of the ladies in attendance began preaching the benefits of a sugar free diet and as her focus shifted to weight loss, I winced. Why does the conversation always come back to our weight and our eating habits? Why can’t we talk about life without mentioning our body? I felt uncomfortable in that room, and I felt saddened by that party. As she spoke about weight loss, she was conforming to the ideal of a skinny body, and when she explained her reasoning for a restricted diet, she did not stop to consider that the other ladies at the party may not have that same relationship with food. When women constantly choose to talk about weight and eating habits, it develops a dependency on our body as a source of happiness. Unfortunately, when we don’t meet our expectations, we often develop negative body image and low self-esteem.

Words can hurt, which is why finding the tools you need to deflect this kind of conversation is crucial. You can block fat talk amongst friends and family with these steps:

1. Heads Up
If your family and friends have used fat talk in the past, they may not realize how hurtful it can be. Try speaking to them ahead of time to let them know what topics are off-limits, and be aware that they may need reminding.
2. Go Prepared
Asking someone to stop the fat talk can be difficult. Rehearsing what you are going to say ahead of time is a great way to facilitate a healthy conversation.
3. Rinse and Repeat
If your message does not get through the first time, try again. Repeat your message to reinforce it. Typically, three reminders is all it takes.
4. Shut it Down
If repetition fails to stop the fat talk, end the conversation all together. You can explain, “This is not a conversation that I am willing to have today. If you would like to discuss this further at another time, we can set something up.”
5. Escape Plan
Remember that you have the power to walk away at any point. If someone is not respecting your request, there is no point remaining in that conversation. Set up a code word with your husband/man/friend/ride that means, “We’re leaving, now.” Your health is more important than how it looks if you leave.
6. Dignity… Check!
Always be respectful. Challenging another person to change their ways isn’t always a smooth process. If someone does not receive your message well, know that this is a reflection of who they are, not who you are.

How to Address Fat Talk Directly:

Speaking up to address fat talk can be intimidating. If you are unsure of what to say, try using phrases like, “I am certain that your comment comes from a place of love, and for that I thank you. Please know, that I no longer accept comments about my food or body” or, “I appreciate your love and concern for me. Please know that I speak for myself and choose my own food.” Identify that they have made comments you are not comfortable with, and clearly state that you do not wish to engage in this topic of conversation.

If you hear someone using fat talk to address another person, and you wish to step in, you first need to assess the situation:

1. Assess Yourself – First know where you are, and know how you feel. If you are feeling especially vulnerable or fragile, it might not be the best day to take on a big conversation. You must have confidence in your message and yourself.
2. Assess Your Audience – Understand that some people are more receptive than others. This might be a new concept for them, so don’t overwhelm them. Treat it like they are trying a new kind of pie; don’t try to throw the pie at them, instead, just offer them a slice.

Adding humour to any situation can help to diffuse the tension. If you sense that your message isn’t being well received, try to ask a more lighthearted question, like, “What would Mr. Rogers think of that comment?” This way you can introduce the concept without any strong demands.

What About Skinny Talk?

Skinny talk can be just as hurtful as fat talk. Body bashing in any way can have the same mental and physical effects² regardless of body shape or size. When we tell a story about someone, and we add descriptors like ‘fat and lazy’ or ‘skinny minny’, we place importance on their body. You might look at someone and think that they are perfect, but when they look in the mirror, they may have the same insecurities as you. I encourage all of my Rebels to be gentle with their words, not just with others, but with themselves. Fat talking or body bashing yourself can be just as hurtful as using it with someone else.

There is no perfect body, and there is no perfect weight. If we continue to speak about these beauty ideals, we will never be happy with ourselves. Fat talk may be common, but it doesn’t have to be a part of your life. If someone makes a comment that you are not comfortable with, shut it down. Fat talk is contagious³, so let’s change the conversation. Don’t let body bashing stop you from feeling beautiful, and don’t let your size dictate your self-esteem. We are all amazing, and most importantly we are all unique.

Live Life. Love Food. Be Free.

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¹ http://nedic.ca/fat-talk
² http://health.usnews.com/health-news/patient-advice/articles/2015/10/21/news-flash-body-bashing-and-fat-shaming-dont-inspire-weight-loss
³ http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/15/opinion/sunday/the-perils-of-fat-talk.html?_r=0

What’s Wrong With Wanting to Lose Weight?

November 25, 2016 by Kerri Fullerton

What’s wrong with wanting to lose a little bit of weight? What’s wrong with wanting to look better in a dress that you bought for an event. Nothing is wrong with it, I simply have not met anyone who would like to just temporarily lose weight. Nobody has ever said to me, “I just want to lose 50 pounds for like a year or two and then get it back.” People want to lose weight permanently and yet there’s no known way to make that happen right now.

Right now, long-term weight loss is an exception, not the rule. We make the problem about the person, not the practice, which is twisted because in medicine that doesn’t make any sense. We would never use a therapy that has a 95% failure rate. That would be unacceptable but somehow, dieting continues to be recommended and supported. Why does it feel like most of the people, and most of the studies and most of the articles say it’s because the person doesn’t keep following the program; that any program will work for someone if they just stick with it long-term.

Herein lies the problem. The strategies used to lose weight are too extreme for someone to fit into their daily life without making it the single most important thing. So even something that from the outside seems moderate at first, might not work so well in the long-term. This could be a particular gym routine that has to be adhered to by going to the gym. What if going to a gym no longer suits your lifestyle? You either need to make your life suit the plan or you need to make plans to suit your lifestyle. I’m a bigger fan of the latter.

Make a plan that fits your lifestyle! Find something that works into your life. It may require change and there will be a transition time. The same will be needed with food. Your eating habits must include living. They must include anything that your heart desires, otherwise life will get in the way of your plan and mess it up. We are here to live. You need to be able to go on holidays and enjoy the food from different cultures. You need to be able to have food with your family and friends. You need to be able to go out for dinner or to a barbecue without it being a big problem. When the rules get to be the single most important thing, that’s when it all falls apart.

Our children see that a diet, and that weight-loss and that maintenance is the most important thing; more important than sharing in the joy of your kid’s birthday cake; more important than sitting down to feast with family and friends; more important than anything. I cannot accept that weight-loss should be the most important thing in someone’s life. Too many great minds are being wasted in the pursuit of this. Too many women are missing out on living in the pursuit of weight-loss, and what’s worse is that it doesn’t work.

We do know that health benefits can happen without weight-loss. Chase health. Make a dietary change. Whether it leads to weight loss or not is irrelevant. Every diet out there has a couple of fundamental consistencies. We as humans need more vegetables than what the average North American eats. Does that mean that we need to stop other foods? Probably not. Like my friend Jen says, “It’s Rad to Add: It’s more important to pay attention to what you’re putting into your diet, and less to what you take out.” Find creative and fun ways to make food tasty and interesting. Find a way to move your body that makes you feel good and that makes you feel strong. But before any of that can happen, people who have been chasing weight-loss for so long need to change their mindset. The association with any kind of dietary change or exercise plan sends them into this weight-loss mode; into this way of being that is all consuming. The idea of adding vegetables immediately triggers thoughts of removing other foods, of restricting other things. The mere idea of starting an exercise program throws them into a mindset of all or nothing. Every day they must adhere to these insane plans that cannot be sustained in the long-term.

First and foremost is of course, the relationship that you create with your body. It’s about body gratitude, appreciation and, dare I say, the love that needs to be expressed to your own body. Every day, stepping into that place of appreciation and love. Most of the women that I know, or work with have spent the better part of their life hating their bodies. And even if hate is too strong of a word for some of these women, they are very critical of their body. The research is there.¹ We know that employees thrive in an environment of reinforcement and acknowledgment. Similarly, we know that children thrive and develop at an accelerated rate when they are encouraged and supported. A woman is going to do better in her life if she is encouraged and loved. Since I am with myself all day long, that love and support needs to start with me, and so it does with you too.

How can you start to love a body that you’ve been at war with for years? You can begin by building a foundation of appreciation. Do this by starting each day with looking in the mirror and thanking your body for keeping you alive all night long. Then you build from there.

Live Life. Love Food. Be Free.

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¹ http://www.gallup.com/businessjournal/12157/power-praise-recognition.aspx